hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
