All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
