Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You made out with two different species that night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize