Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i will never coherently bang her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
