You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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