Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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