Can Purell be used as lube?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
