Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
