Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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