he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
