Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
