Where did you get a picture of my penis
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
