so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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