well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
