We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
