woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
