Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize