my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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