I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
