My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
