youre lurking in front of me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
