Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
