i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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