We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
