I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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