capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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