You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
