I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
