OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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