hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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