she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
