he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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