I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
