i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Panties = found
Randomize
