I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize