He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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