there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
