I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
