I bet he comes in French.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
