why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
