All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
