i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
