If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
