she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ttyl tear gas
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
