last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
