i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
