Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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