That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
