apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
