You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
