i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
