he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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