I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
