My liver just broke up with me...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
