My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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