the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize