no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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