Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize