So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
