I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
