well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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