Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
