i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This baby is an asshole
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
