i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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