I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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