Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
