Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
