The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
